Thursday, August 23, 2012

An Award. Tears. And a Battle of the Bulge.

A month ago today, I was selected as one of the top 40 under 40 black professionals in South Florida by Legacy Magazine. This was a big deal. The feature would in fact be an insert inside The Miami Herald, a paper I had written a zillion stories for during my seven-year stint there as a reporter.

Moi, in the bottom right-hand corner. I took this photo two years ago, a few months before my wedding.
It got better, I was also among the handful selected to be on the cover. Stop the Presses. This would mean some crazy exposure for Nicole White Designs Inc. and this lovely blog, so to say I was thrilled, honored, over-the-moon, is an understatement.
The photoshoot went well. The insert hit the newstands and I went running to the nearest 711 to grab a million copies.
Yep, that's me in the red jacket.

Then I saw my photo and my heart dropped. Who was that pudgy chick?
OMG, why hadn't the photographer photoshoped me back to my skinny self of yesterday.

Said skinny self of yesterday. I shot this photo at The Miami Herald in 2008 when I was a guest blogger for a month.

Tears came. Silly, I know, but they did. The clerk gave me a look of concern. I assured her I was fine but that I had decided to purchase only two of the 10 copies I'd initially snapped up.
To be clear, this was an honor of insane proportions and I was indeed humbled to share it with so many amazing professionals who are at the top of their game. So why did I let my weight gain ruin this incredible moment? That's a good question and one I'm still working through.
And before I get an avalanche of emails saying, "Britch, what is your problem? There are people out there with major weight issues and your not-so-fat-ass should just shut the hell up,'' let me just say that this is my journey, and one I choose to share in this forum.
Everyone has their own comfort zone and as someone who enjoyed running and going to the gym on a daily basis, I'm not comfortable with the new physical me. Yes, a huge chunk of this can be attriubuted to having a baby last year (love him!), but truthfully, I was inching up in the weight gain department well before I got pregnant. I'd just gotten comfortable. It didn't help that I was one of those Jamaicans with 20 jobs, so squeezing in a workout had just become downright impossible for me. 
So here's my plan: I'm not a fan of diets and the latest weight loss gimics so no Weight Watchers, Nutra Systems, Jenny Craig, Paleo, Atkins, South Beach diets (wait, aren't they the same diet just renamed?) or any of that stuff for me. I'm sure they work for others, but I simply don't have the patience to count points and scrutinize every morsel I eat. I kinda likes me a rib-eye and a nice glass of red wine on occassion. Okay, okay, maybe on a few occassions.

                     Source                                                          Source

I've simply gone back to the basics: I go for a run whenever I have the time - and this has meant going at 5:30 a.m. or at 6:30 p.m. A huge thanks to the hubby who went running with me on week 1. It was  just the support I needed. Thanks too to my dear friend Asanyah who suggested I come clean about this struggle on my blog. Afterall, blogging about only the pretty things in life is beyond superficial.
So as of now, I've stopped with the excuses and now just lace up my sneakers, select some kick-ass music on my I-Phone, and just gone for a run  around my complex, and up and down the stairs outside my condo. I'm also eating smarter - three well proportioned meals and a constant stream of healthy snacks (thanks much to my colleague Sophia who keeps a healthy stash closeby). I also do not get on a scale on a weekly basis. I'll know when the weight starts to disappear once my clothes start getting a bit loose and once that bulging tummy starts to disappear - at least, I hope it does!
So that's my truth. Wish me luck. I'll keep ya'll posted on this crazy journey.



  1. Nicole, You know that I have the same strugles with this weight situation. The scale is the biggest liar... Don't trust her. Determination and patience is the key.

  2. haha re: the scale. I've never liked or trusted that britch. But yes, happy to be along this healthy eating/living journey with you lady.

  3. I know how hard this was for you to put it all out there. I commend you. Because I'm your partner in crime in all other endeavors, this will be no different. I promise to do more that just lay in bed and watch P90X DVDs....LOL

  4. Amazing, glad you got it out there..You'll get even more support in your weight loss/ lifestyle shift journey. It's a struggle to get in a workout for those of us that have a million-an-one jobs and to-do lists but honestly at the end of the day..if you don't have your health, what's the point.

  5. You know I feel ya! The reason I have two closets full of clothes is because I own clothes in 4 sizes and I fight to stay in the lower of the 4 sizes, but truth be told I haven't worn the bottom size in 2 years...maybe it is 3! I am here for you and I am in the fight with you. Let me know when you want to come over and we can do MJ experience together - trust me it is cardio! You can even try out my elliptical, it beats me every time. And we can drink water from a wine glass :(

  6. I don't know where to start. First...CONGRATULATIONS! Way to kill it. I am so proud of this moment for you. We all have issues that are sensitive to each of us. I have lost a few women in my life to various cancers so I always think...they would rather be alive and (fill in blank with issue at the moment) then the alternative. My husband did weight watchers more than 10 years ago, and has kept most of the weight off. It is not the same as the others you mentioned, but finding your own path is truly what we are talking about. By the way, you were super cute in 2008!

  7. I think all women go through the same struggle, no matter what size! I too had put on 13 kgs after my baby and it was mentally very tough on me. i too cannot go on a diet like you, i love to eat! I lost the first 10kgs after making lifestyle changes and learning about how my body works and reacts to food from DR.OZ'S -ON A DIET( the owners manual) the next 5kgs i lost and am at the best fitness level of my life thanks to JILLIAN MICHAELS... the best part is her workouts are only 30 mins! I highly recommend these 2 people to anyone trying to shed weight... i still eat like a horse... but the right stuff(mostly :p) and btw U LOOK GORGEOUS B4 & AFTER :)

  8. Wow. Thank you guys for all your amazing words of encouragement. We all have our own weight gain/loss stories and issues, but at the end of the day I simply want to live a healthy life so I can be around to see my son turn into a wonderful young man one day. I gotta check out Jillian's workout tapes. 30 mins is right up my alley! Again, thanks for encouragement and I'll be sure to update you on my progress. TGIF!

  9. How did I miss COngratulations on this amazing honor! This is BIG!!! really big....focus on that. Amazing, wht a talented and hard working lady. I;m not worried about you losing weight. You seem like a very determined lady and know you will achieve it. this is my trick to healthy eating maybe it can help.....I try and limit carbs in the morning (so I will have my 2 pieces of toast), the for lunch protein (fish, chicken...) and veggies....2 pieces of dark chocolate for dessert (like 85% cocoa or darker), for dinner maybe just a protein and a is teh trick...I always have black beans or lentils (homemade) in the refriegerator...whenever I'm hungry I take a few spoonfuls of it....YUM!! I actually adore them....high in fiber and very filling....I'm not a fan of working out too much while you are trying to lose weight.....I feel like I get really, really hungry and actually eat more. I lke to lose weight first saty there for a bit and then work out.....I know...I'm crazy....just some ideas. But in the grand scheme of things this is no can totally do it! xx


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